Alright Wordnerds, today I think I’m going to hit you with some truth. This is likely going to be a much different post than you’re used to from me, but it’s what is on my mind right now.
I am an incredibly anti-social person. I mean, I say that I’m anti-social but a lot of the time I think that maybe that isn’t the best way to describe my feelings towards social situations. The truth of the matter is that I find people really exhausting sometimes – both physically and mentally. On most occasions, I can deal with it. I just put on my big girl pants and go about my day. I would like to point out that I don’t find ALL people exhausting – and those that I do, it doesn’t mean that I don’t love or enjoy spending time with those people. They aren’t bad people, I’m just kind of strange that way. There is no rhyme or reason to why I’m like this, but sometimes I just can’t cope.
I will love my friends to the ends of the Earth, but sometimes, when I’m feeling extra hermit-y, it can be really hard for them to love me. Constantly cancelling plans and turning down gatherings can really take a tole on a relationship – and to be perfectly honest I don’t blame them for being miffed. Believe me when I inevitably cancel, I’m not overly happy with myself either.
I feel like in the last few months part of the issue (and the reason that this feeling is hitting so strongly right now) is that I’ve started to have to deal with the general public at work. Not only do I have to do my actual work, but a part of that work includes interacting with a different set of people every single day. I believe that over time that will get better and easier – but for the time being I’m just coming out of a job that I had for 8 years where the only people that I had to deal with were my co-workers. After just a few months of that job, it was pretty easy to figure out how my co-workers were going to respond to certain things. When dealing with the public (in a retail setting no less) you can’t always judge how they’re going to react to most things.
Anyway, because of this people induced exhaustion, I like to have a lot of “me time” – which I seem to get more often than not because my boyfriend works nights and I’m at home by myself until the wee hours of the morning. Strangely enough, Noah is probably one of the few people that I don’t find exhausting. Usually my “me time” is spent reading or writing, playing video games, or watching an unhealthy amount of netflix/crunchy roll. Sometimes, I take my book on a date – there’s a little diner here that is open 24 hours, so I’ll grab my book and head on down there for coffee and onion rings. I have long since honed my skill at dining alone – and I don’t mean that in a bad way, I know that if Noah could go with me he totally would. Regardless, this solitary time is what I need to charge my batteries. It’s required for me to prepare myself for another week at work, dealing with people – and while some of my friends totally get it and understand, some of them don’t. I’ve lost a lot of friends this way. It sucks, but that’s the reality of the situation I find myself in.
I’m really not sure where all of this is coming from Wordnerds, maybe that John Green book had a bit more of an effect on me than I thought haha. I just want people like me to know that there are always going to be people in your life that understand your “me time” and won’t be offended when you have to step back out of the world and recharge your batteries. There are those that won’t understand and it may hurt their feelings – but sometimes, talking it out can help. Explaining your mental state to others is the easiest way for them to at least BEGIN to understand what is happening in your head.
Even if you need time to yourself to recharge your batteries, when you come back into the world, I’ll still be your friend.